The Starting Point
by BreakingLucinda
Summary: It was then that I decided that maybe, just maybe…having a baby for myself wouldn’t be so bad. PREQUEL TO 'THE REUNION'.
1. Kylie's Starting Point

The Starting Point 

I remember standing there when Emma Garcia-Masterson was born. With Jonesy in a stupid clown suit and all of us tired (let's not forget Emma Sr.; she was a mess that Caitlin just HAD to pick up that same day), we marveled at her anyway. Her wrinkly skin that still somewhat reminded me of a lizard was wrapped up in a little cocoon, nestled in Jonesy's colorful arms. He even granted her 'The Favorite Sister Award'.

Since that afternoon filled with little tots, I had never gotten over how beautiful babies were. Just as delicate as we had been so long ago; it amazed me once I thought about it.

It was then that I decided that maybe, just maybe…having a baby for myself wouldn't be so bad.

'Not so fast', I thought. 'You know pushing that out of your goody-places and taking care of it for the rest of its life is tough.'

It was ALSO then that I decided maybe it was best just to wait. Ha.

**

"Now you just stay still, Mrs. Garcia! I've almost got your hair done – "

"Caitlin, I think I'm go-"

"Oh, oh, oh, I'm almost done!" Caitlin intervened through the tired grumbles of Jen's mother. She sighed, letting her daughter's friend fix her up.

Guiltily enough, I had to giggle. "I heard that, Nikki!" Emma spoke semi-sweetly. It sounded a lot less tense then at the hospital, but she was still pretty tired.

"Sorry, Mrs. Garcia!"

A hand placed itself on my shoulder; looking over, it was the coffee color (ha-ha!) of Wyatt's skin there.

"You girls; picking on a lady that just had a baby." With a playful tsk-tsk, Wyatt turned me around with a big grin. Since his morning coffee and seeing his best friends' little sister, Wyatt seemed to be in a better mood than usual. I never realized how mellow and almost-serious Wyatt was until then.

"Yeah, you!" I poked him in the chest, pushing him back slightly. He chuckled while his heels came back to the ground.

"Me? Yeah, me! Guess what!"

Oh boy, I couldn't wait to see what Wyatt was so excited about. Serena, Marlowe, caffeine?

"What?"

"I was the first one to ever make Emma smile!" He stuck out his chest like he was The Big Cheese, smiling bright.

"You sure that wasn't gas?" I laughed, snorting all the way. Immediately, his smile fell. "Way to make me lose my buzz, man!"

"Don't worry, Wyatt; I'm sure she'll like you someday!" Caitlin spoke from the bathroom across the hall over the blow dryer.

"What do you mean, she'll like me someday?!" Wyatt exclaimed, throwing his hands up.

"If someone farts on you, they probably don't like you very much." She spoke quite seriously and matter-of-fact. I rolled my eyes and snorted again.

"She's three days old, Wyatt; she doesn't like anybody yet. Don't worry." I smiled at him with a pat on the arm. "Like Caitlin said; she'll like you someday."

**

But more than one thing happened on the way. First of all, within the first year of Emma's birth, she had turned to Smiley-Kylie-Wylie, christened by Jonesy after the Wyatt incident. From then on, she was Kylie.

Second of all, there was ANOTHER baby. Not Emma's, not Jen's, not Caitlin's. Mine.


	2. His Promises

"Nikki? Nikki, are you okay?!" Jonesy's voice called and banged on the door. _Crap, he must have heard me puking when he came in. _

"I-I'm – " Hack, cough, _heave_ – "fine! Give me a second!" I managed to burst out as vomit spilled out of my lips at the same time. Everything ached, and even more so since I found out exactly why. I didn't know if I was aching of excitement or shock and pain, actually; all I knew was that this SUCKED!

When I cleaned up my mouth and took off my shirt to leave just an undershirt, I exited the bathroom.

"Sorry, Jonesy; I just…"

I stopped as I saw tears well up in my boyfriend's eyes. Oh no…he was devastated, wasn't he?!

"I know what this is. I know." Jonesy murmured, a tear streaming down his face. "…I'm sorry that I couldn't take care of you! If I had realized you had swine flu, I would have come over here quicker!" he whimpered, turning away from me.

Swine flu? Swine flu?! HA!

I chuckled lightly, careful not to burn my throat and throw up on the floor.

"What? You think this is funny, in your condition?"

"No!" I laughed out loud, not worrying about puking. This was just too, too funny!

"No, no, no. Jonesy, you got it wrong. I don't have swine flu and I don't have a disease." I calmed down and spoke, taking his hand into mine.

"Oh." he mumbled, and chuckled himself. "Well, I wasn't 100% worried about that anyway." Jonesy chuckled, playing off his worrying. On the inside, I rolled my eyes; leave it to him to cover it all up.

"I do have something, though, Jonesy. And I need to tell you what it is." Instantly, I was serious, looking right at him. _You can do this…Jonesy wouldn't leave. He loves his sister, so why wouldn't he love his kid? _

Jonesy's Adam's apple quivered nervously. "What is it, Nikki?" His hand squeezed mine tight, and I felt my heart jump. He was terrified. Ever since the time when we got back together after the dance the year before, Jonesy had been so worried about me. I appreciated his true loving nature until then. It made me nervous.

_Breathe. Breathe. Breathe._

"You remember when we, you know, did – Oh whatever, I'm pregnant!" I finished off with a burst of adrenaline. When I opened my eyes (did I even close them?), a shocked look swept up Jonesy's relaxed features. It looked strange on him.

There was no sound for a few minutes as I looked down at the ground, embarrassed.

"H-How far along are you?" His voice was unusually high, and when I looked up, his eyes were glazed over.

"Uh, I don't know. I guess 3 months or something since we; you know, did it then…for the first time…and stuff." I mumbled on and on, wringing my hands stupidly. I must have been stupid.

_I know I wanted a baby that second, God; but why did you have to take it seriously, dude?!_, I thought bitterly for the 500th time this week. I hope he heard me.

"This is…this is…" Jonesy stumbled, his voice sounding more and more strangled.

"This is what?" I snapped impatiently. My heart was jumping in my chest, and I felt acid flop around in my belly.

"It's wonderful!" Jonesy whispered to himself, bending his head back and smiling. "This is wonderful, Nikki!" He came back and grinned even bigger, giving me the lightest but snuggest of hugs.

"Really?!" I shrieked. All the fear instantly got flushed down the toilet and tears came to my eyes.

"Yeah!" he cheered, the arm around my waist bringing me closer. "We can get married and have a baby together…it will be perfect, Nikki. Nobody will have it better than you and I and the baby; it'll be wonderful! It's great! It's…"

He kept on explaining how overjoyed he was, which just shocked me. Maybe Jonesy was taking some responsibility! All it took was a baby on the way, huh?

"Oh, Jonesy!" I cried, bawling into his shirt. I could feel the tears soak up the fabric. I wasn't sad; I was overwhelmingly happy. This was all it took. All this time, he had never even acted responsible and now he might just be taking the opportunity!

"No, Nikki; don't cry! It'll be okay, I promise." He fretted, pulling me even closer than before. I thought I would suffocate.

"That's not it! This is-is…" I couldn't get the words out, so I just kept crying. Who cares what I was crying about?

"It's okay; don't cry, don't cry. I'll get a job and I won't get fired this time, I promise. I won't ever get fired again; just for you!" He soothed me even further into the guarantee that he would forever be a changed man.

As I cried, he promised so many things. They all made my heart soar and soar and soar.

"I'll be with you every day and every night and I won't ever go away."

"I promise I'll take good care of you and the baby."

"We'll have the biggest and coolest wedding ever, and I'll find the money and the time to make it."

I promise, I promise, I promise. He promised and promised and promised. I was the happiest girl in the world, crying into my official fiancée's arms with all the joy I could ever have.

For the first time in a week, I gave God a good couple of words.

_Thank you! _


	3. The Turning Point

Like all other parents who learned about their pregnant teenager, they were shocked. When I admitted the truth, looked into their eyes and told them I was going to have a baby…they beat their eyelashes a few times. No surprise.

My dad turned stern, his face crinkling up even more than it was already at his age. Being kind of rebellious, I knew the look. Only this time, it was intensified. It burned into me.

_Shit._

"Nikki, we must prepare!" my mother screeched, sounding eerily like a crow.

"Whoa!" I yelped as she abruptly grabbed my hand and dragged me to the car. "Where are we going, Mom?" That's when I noticed my heart beating like crazy; what did she plan to do with the kid?

"Preparations, child! Crib, food, supplements!" She jabbered, starting up the engine. Apparently, my mom was REALLY motivated to get out and, er, 'prepare'. What was this; some kind of ancient Chinese ritual I haven't heard about yet?

"Don't get so excited that you'll leave without me, Mom!" I rolled my eyes, buckling up in the passenger's seat. _Why are you so nonchalant all the time? This is actually sort of serious, Nikki…_, my conscience decided to shame me a bit.

_Oh, shut up. _

**

At every single red light towards Galleria, I caught my mom's eyes scanning my body. Only if she could see the way my heart was pounding, stomach churning and the blood pulsing in my feet. They hurt already.

"You are having girl." She spoke in a flat, serious tone. _Well, that's…interesting?_

"How did you figure that out?"

"You already have glowing shape. You must be having a girl."

"At which point did I start glowing, Mom? Has being pregnant turned me into a light bulb or something?" I couldn't help myself. Really, it was something tough to understand; how can a person glow on a rainy day like this? How can you have a halo around your body when you're puking constantly? Yuck.

"Trust in me, Nikki; you glow." She smiled at me for the first time since she drove out of the house's driveway. Still, I didn't believe that crock of crap. I could smell like roses and have a boy, for all anybody cared.

None of my choice was in the matter; my mom was doing all the work like she was getting her own baby. _Fine by me, _I thought, _only my feet ache, my stomach hurts, I probably look fat right now…_and for some weird reason, I ended up crying in the middle of Toys R Us.

As I looked around, people were staring at me; even wide-eyed toddlers raised their eyebrows.

"Oh, Nikki, come on, let's go home…" Mom's voice appeared, her hand taking mine and leading me outside into the pouring rain. It beat against my skin, soothing the burn I hadn't known was there until then. I was relieved for no more than 20 seconds until my mouth flooded with saliva. I knew what was going to happen; I swallowed it all down rapidly, one flood at a time.

My mother led my hand across the street like she would when I was in kindergarten; Jen and Jonesy tagging along by my side. They weren't here now, but they would be tomorrow.

_But what if they won't? _

Just that thought led the onslaught of saliva into throwing up in the parking lot. My mother must have noticed me trying to hold back the rest: "Nikki, honey; just let it go. It's natural to be sick right now."

_Oh, it better be! _was my one thought while I caught my breath after that very last dreadful hack. _This kid is killing me already. _

"We're going home right now. Do you want anything around here before we go?" My mother offered as I cleared my throat and headed with her to the car.

I sighed. "Maybe I should go see Jonesy. Can you drop me off there?"

It was her turn to sigh. "No. Food that will be good for you and your daughter; that's what was meant."

"Who knows if I'm having a girl anyway?"

"Because you get emotional and glow all over, you must be having a girl."

I rolled my eyes. More bullshit in the meter, huh? _Whatever you say, Ma. _"But really, Mom, I need to see Jonesy."

"No; you need rest and relaxation, Nikki."

"I can get that there, Mother; just let me see him! You ARE aware that this whole thing is his fault, too, right?!"

_Oh wait. She probably doesn't. _My heart started pounding again and the nausea came to another slope upwards. _Couldn't you have been QUIET?!_

I looked at her; she suddenly looked frail and full of sadness. "Oh. I see."

"What's the matter, Mom?" Though I meant to sound a bit stronger than her, my tone was meek and scared.

"Nothing is wrong, child. I just never thought you and your friend were so close…" Her eyes welled up with the strongest pain I had ever seen them in.

But yet, I was angry. What was her problem? "Do you not like him or something?"

"No!" She called loud enough to make me jump in my seat. "No…" she repeated much quieter. "The memories all but haunt me right now, Nikki. It was like you two were just little children in primary yesterday. Now…now you two are having a _child? _It's not right. It is all a dream, child. I know it."

I was silent. For some reason, I knew I should have just been quiet and let her talk to herself.

"Okay. Okay." With that, the car turned around towards the route to his house. Suddenly, I didn't want to go anymore. My heart was blazing with what wasn't quick anger anymore, but an unbelievable amount of love. I didn't know why then, but later as I recalled, it became clearer. The void of anger or shame towards the whole situation, me, Jonesy or even our child, she had shown the rawest of emotion.

As a mother now, it comes even clearer. That raw sheen of sadness in my mother's eyes was the pain and yet the prides of seeing that part of you go, and finding it was never at all you. It was finding that that part was a person that you saw yourself in; only they had their separate pains and aches, laughter and joy.

Though I hadn't known nearly as much then, I cried for what I did know: my mom had a sad, dark tunnel for eyes now. It was only when she pulled over that I realized she was crying just as much as I was. Her arms pulled me into her side; my face buried into her chest as I bawled.

"I shall always love you, Nikki; I shall always love you." She repeated over and over again. More than any other time in my life, I believed it.


	4. Breakfast After 10

I didn't see Jonesy that night. Redirecting my mother towards home, I wiped away the tears that had really disappeared long ago. I was all too vulnerable and tired as the grey skies became a darker shade, and finally black as the two of us weaved through roads and pavement.

My head pulsed with pain. With a groan, I nestled my head into my mom's shoulder. Her lavender perfume made me sink into her fuzzy little sweater a little more each minute; the smell was all too delicious. Even while she drove, she didn't tell me to ease off. Eventually, the grooves and cradles of the road settled my uneasiness and my mother's softness drifted me off into the space of sleep.

It seemed like just minutes later when I opened my eyes to a fire. _The fireplace is burning. I'm in the living room. _I observed in my daze and almost said something about it before I realized that warmth cradled me. If it wasn't the fire or the couch, what…

…Oh; the lavender smell.

"Mom?" I murmured. A hand against my cheek greeted my voice. "I'm here."

"What time is it?"

"I do not know, child. However, I do know that it's still night. You should go back to sleep."

"Why?" I asked, just a slight whine in my voice. It shocked me; I hadn't done that for years.

Instead of scolding me like she did when I was a kid, my mom chuckled and petted my head like I was a lap dog. But I didn't mind.

"You need rest; that is why. You are now sleeping, eating, walking and breathing for two human beings. That means you don't sleep too less, eat too less, walk too less or breathe too less. While you're carrying a child, you can never do too much of those."

I groaned. "The kid isn't even born yet, and it's already filling up conversation, huh?"

"You will have to get used to it and understand it, dear Nikki."

_Fair enough. _"Okay, I'll get back to sleep. But…can you do just one thing?"

"What is that, child?" she murmured graciously, taking my hand into hers. It was strange yet comforting; my mother treating me as a child when I was about to have one myself.

"…Just stay here, please." My head buried into her hip. With a soft, fluttering sigh, I closed my eyes.

"Of course; I will not leave. I will never leave."

_What comforting words…_For once, I was not sarcastic in my thoughts or words. With another big exhale of relief, drowsiness fell over me again. _I need to sleep… _

_**_

When I woke again, the sun was shining bright through the curtains and against the skies. It was a big difference from the night before; not only for the weather, but for my mood. While I had been juggling being a child and just plain breaking down the night before, I felt refreshed; maybe like a new woman for a few minutes.

It was only when my stomach started to churn again that the feelings went down the drain. _So much for THAT…_

Trying to distract myself from the nausea, I looked around the room. The fire in the fireplace had died into white ash. My head was on my mother's knees, of whom fell asleep sitting straight up. I found this odd; who does something like that?

But I also remembered what she had said the previous night. She wouldn't leave; she would never leave. As a mother, she had kept her commitment of staying with me. My heart soared; I had never known how wonderful she was.

That's when I knew I would NEVER leave my kid, no matter what hell it went through. I knew that I wouldn't ever let it down, keep it from doing what it wants deep down and all that good jazz.

_Speaking of the kid: breakfast. Eating for two, remember? _

Right, but as soon as I entered the kitchen, the time shocked me. 11:30 in the morning? Damn. I hadn't slept that long since I had that sleeping lag going on the year before.

Whatever I had for breakfast that morning, I don't even remember. All I remember is eating it within three minutes and actually keeping it down. For the second time that morning, I had been shocked. _How many shockers are enough to send an unborn baby into a spasm attack? _The tiny joke inside my head quickly turned into an actual worry. What if I worried the poor baby's brain into shambles?

Before I could think of a fetus in shingles, the phone rang. _Thank God. _

"Hello?" The caller said before I even could. It sounded a lot like…

"Caitlin?" I guessed.

"Yeah, it's me. Look; I heard about you and Jonesy and…um…"

"And..."

"Your guys' baby, you know. What is it; boy or girl? I'm sorry, Nikki, but I just couldn't wait to ask!"

I rolled my eyes, but chuckled a bit inside my head. Caitlin was INSANELY nosy. "I dunno. My mom is thinking it's a girl though because I'm a weeping light bulb."

"What?"

"Never mind; I won't know until November or something."

"But it's only August! Can you really wait that long?" Caitlin whined, and I could imagine the devastated look on her face. But I thought about it. Could I really wait that long to know if my kid was a guy or a girl?

"Yeah, I think I can."

"Okay, but let me do the baby shower, okay? Since you know the sex in November, the shower should be December, but it can't be too near Christmas or – "

"Caitlin!" There was abrupt silence on the other end.

"I'm sorry for yelling. But it's going to be taken care of; this is my decision and Jonesy's, if he wants anything to do with the planning."

"You mean he might not be there for her?" She popped in, which made me steam a little bit more.

"No, no, no! I meant the shower stuff. Look, I gotta go; my head is throbbing because of all this talk. And besides, how do YOU know that it's a girl?"

"I just have that feeling. There was an article in GirlTalk magazine that says when a friend is pregnant, the others can sometimes subconsciously know the sex, and I think it's a girl, too!"

"Yeah, okay, okay. Enough with the GirlTalk talk; I'm done. Later."

"O-Okay…" Caitlin murmured, sounding offended. "Bye."

_Ah, guilt. Damn it. _

"Don't get so down, Cait." I added, probably in a nicer tone. "I'm just not ready to take in all of this at one time, you know? I need rest."

"Yeah, I get it." She said, maybe a little happier. That would take a lot of guilt off my shoulders for sure. "I'll talk to you later?"

"Yup."

"Okay; oh, wait!" I stuttered for a moment, remembering the rest of the crew.

"Yeah?"

"Does everyone else know?" My heart started beating rapidly at the thought; they can't know this yet. I was just so unready; so unprepared to take the looks.

"Um…well, Jonesy said not to tell anybody, but…"

"Oh no, you didn't! Don't you realize how IMPORTANT this is?!"

"Nikki, no; I didn't mean to tell them! They just started talking about Emma and about how cute she was and I agreed and said that Jonesy's baby is gonna be cute, too, and they kept questioning me and…it just all spilled…out!" She rambled as she started to cry.

My anger was filling to the top. I was so sick, tired, betrayed and everything.

"Caitlin?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell anybody else. Just shut up and keep something to yourself for once." I was gritting my teeth, trying not to scream.

With a bawl straight into my ear, the phone quickly hung up. _Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. _

**

I didn't see Jonesy until a few days later; after I had thought I was done being angry with everybody, and Caitlin especially.

When I got to the house, Emma seemed to have a forlorn look on her face.

"Is Jonesy here right now?" I asked and her eyes burned into mine. They weren't angry at all; just unnaturally sad. My hands played with the amulet on my neck because of the awkward stare.

"He's upstairs. So is Jen, if she wants to talk right now. She's been in a bad mood." She said as if there was nothing going on. I gulped; who knew if I was the source of the 'bad mood'?

I walked up the stairway past Robbie and Diego, both of whom seemed too fixed on the Nerf gun on the bottom of the step to notice me. Jen's door loomed at me at the top of the step.

"Just run right past it. Don't worry; just run." I whispered. When I tried to, Jen came out of the room.

"Hey Nikki." She mumbled, going around the other way down the left side of the hall. Jonesy's room was on the right.

"Hi, Jen." I said back, zooming straight to Jonesy's room and swinging the door open. There he was; playing the PlayStation version of Alien Annihilator. When he looked over to me, his face immediately lit up.

"Come sit down; you're probably tired." He moved over, patting a space for me on the bed. I felt my eyebrows shoot up; what was his plan here?

"Okay…" I sat with him, leg-to-leg and watching him beat the seventh level. It didn't look too hard, but Jonesy seemed to be struggling. Gamers…

As soon as he finished it, though, he turned off the system. _This isn't like him; not at all! _I thought, somewhat scared even.

"Glad you're here. It's been awhile since I saw you." He said, giving me a big squeeze around the waist. I was shocked yet again when I realized that it really had been a while since I saw him, at least for us: two weeks.

_I wonder how many jobs Jonesy could be fired from in that long? _

"So", I started off, still playing with the amulet on my neck. "Have you held a job yet? You said you were going to try to."

Silence followed; what a good sign! "No…I already got fired from four…" he sighed, sounding very disappointed.

"Well, it's okay." I tried to comfort him. That's what girlfriends do, right? "You'll find one before the baby's born. I'll even help you, if you want."

"No." he spoke promptly. "I might not be great at keeping jobs, but it's just bad luck. Don't worry about it; it's not good for the baby."

I smiled; at least he was worried about what was important, right? "Okay; I'll take your word for it."

Yet again, a silence fell over the room. Only this time it was more peaceful; maybe with a temporary resolution. I realized just seconds later that Jonesy was still holding me at the waist, though a lot looser now. Before I could even finish that thought, he sank down to the bed, bringing me down with him with our legs off the bed; laying on our sides on the bed.

I landed with an 'oomph', but no damage was done in the least. We stayed there for what seemed like hours and hours; just enjoying each other's company. The first time this happened, it led to what would make this kid inside of me; that already didn't sound so appetizing. Surprisingly, it led to nothing; absolutely nothing. The two of us just lay in the bed, only shifting every now and again to make ourselves comfortable.

And that's what we just were; comfortable. Not overly happy, not scared, not sad, nothing; just there in the scheme of things. For some reason, it helped for that time being and I appreciated it.


	5. Valerie

"It's just so irresponsible…" Jen whispered beyond the door. My heart made flip-flops; she hadn't taken this so well at all. Even after so many weeks, it still bothered me that she wasn't approving of this in the least.

"…This is none of your concern, Jen. Leave them…" Emma's voice trailed on and off, though her voice was strangled yet again. But before I could even think about that, a harsh coolness covered my slightly-bulging stomach.

"YEE!" I squealed, jumping a bit.

"The gel is pretty cool, huh?" The doctor laughed. I wasn't amused, and she realized that quickly by the death glare I gave her.

"…Right…well, let me turn this on and we'll take a look at this little one here!" It took a couple minutes for the television-like thing to start up, but eventually, a black-and-white image came up as soon as a stick-thing got on me. The strangest whooshing sounds emitted from it, as if it was an alien detector or something.

Unfortunately, I couldn't see any aliens on that TV. All my insides dropped, and somehow the doctor saw that.

"Honey, no; your baby is right here!" she pointed out on the cut-off of the monitor and moved the joystick on my stomach.

_What is that? _My nose crinkled up in confusion. I could see a gigantic head and some parts of grey below that. Maybe this was an alien job…but nonetheless, when I turned my head to the side, I found out that I should never be shocked again.

Jonesy was holding my hand tight, fingers intertwined with mine. But he was smiling to the point where his cheeks were bunching up in little dimples and bags. I knew the look immediately. It was that of a proud father. He even giggled when it moved a bit.

"Well, I have some news for you two!" The doctor spoke cheerfully, pointing to different places and what-not.

"You see the hamburger sign here? Did you read about that?"

"…A hamburger sign?" The smile Jonesy had on his face instantly disappeared.

"What?" was my incredulous reply.

With a patient smile, the doctor looked at the both of us. "The hamburger sign is a simpler way to refer to female genitalia. On the ultrasounds, it looks like a hamburger. You two are having a girl."

Jonesy's smile returned. "Wow…"

All of us stood in bewilderment. A girl…and then I remembered my mother and her tell-tale signs of having a girl.

I broke the silence by laughing and snorting out loud. I bet the doctor still thinks I'm insane.

**

"Wonderful!" Emma cheered at the stop light.

"Humph." Jen grumbled in the front seat.

"Jennifer…" her mother warned her, and I rolled my eyes. On the inside, it really did hurt me that Jen would act this way to the news, but I didn't want to let that show. It would only aggravate me more.

Ignoring the secret mother-daughter bitterness in the front seat, my mother beamed at my side. "I knew it was a girl; I knew, child!" Her hand briefly patted my stomach. I twitched a bit; I hated it when people felt it was necessary to be all over it; I was sure I was barely showing. Even strangers rubbed my belly and asked me when I was due, if it was a boy or girl and, by the people that I somewhat knew, who the father was. _Nosy…_

My thoughts were jumbled and eliminated as Jonesy's tell-tale Jaws ringtone rang. Each current job he held had that ringtone, as suggested by Jude one day.

"Hello…wait; what? No, no, no, can't we have a bargain?"

I sighed. I knew how this was going to turn out…

"Come on, boss, don't all of the newbies drop a few rings in the toilet? I know they were expensive…I can't pay that off, are you kidding? I mean – no, no, no! I'll – "

His boss yelled and hung up so forcefully we all heard his special two words that always seemed to follow Jonesy.

After a few seconds of silence, he seemed to shut his flip phone in slow motion and put it in his pocket even slower. "Ah, crap…" he groaned, covering his eyes with his hand.

For a moment, I felt sorry for my poor boyfriend. I could tell he was trying hard to keep his jobs, but he was withering in his efforts.

_How do you know he's trying? He could be saying that. _Thinking that, I instantly became upset. No, upset isn't the right word. I was beyond pissed. Somehow, he knew that I was angry.

"Nikki, I'm sorry…" he spoke pitifully, which made me twice as angry.

"Talk about it LATER…"

**

"Sorry? Sorry, Jonesy! You've lost 15 JOBS when you said you'd keep ONE!"

"I know; it's just so ha – "

"No, that's no excuse. Jude can hold a job and he thinks his zits are lucky, Jonesy!"

"That's just because of Stick It, Nikki!"

I scoffed over the phone, about ready to blow the receiver so far up his ass… "No! No, his employers KNOW why that place got closed down. But you know, he does a good enough job to keep it!"

"You aren't my mother; don't try to convince me what I can't do." He spoke as calmly as he did the whole entire conversation. What right did he have to be calm when I wasn't?!

"You're right; I'm not, but this might as well be practice if she's anything like YOU!" My voice raised gradually along the sentence to the point where I was at full screaming at the last word. A whimper escaped from the phone.

"Nikki – "

"Leave me alone!" I yelled, hanging up the phone and throwing it at the wall. To my dissatisfaction, it didn't break. But I didn't cry for once. I just laid there on my bed, feeling her little baby feet quiver against the walls of my stomach. From the way she kicked at me, I would've thought she was angry.

_That's ridiculous. Babies can't get mad._

Kick-kick-kick-kick-kick, she fluttered around at a furious pace.

"…You want me to call Daddy back?" The words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them. Another set of angry heels to my stomach.

"Okay, okay; I'm calling him back. Chill out." I mumbled softly as if I were really talking to her. _This is silly; doing this for your own amusement. _

I picked up the phone and dialed his number. He picked up at the first ring.

"Nikki…" He was shocked; I could tell.

"Hey. Look; I'm sorry I got mad at you. I know that you're trying…its just frustrating sometimes, you know?"

A pause came over, and it made me nervous. _Is he mad? _

"It's alright." He sighed.

"…Are you sure you're okay?" I asked, knowing the answer already.

"No. This has really gotten me thinking about her…"

I paused, trying to think of who 'she' was. "The baby, you mean?"

"No. Uh, you remember my mom, right?" he asked, almost casually.

I remembered the last time that I saw Jonesy's mom. It was an early release day for the primary schools, so she picked me, Jonesy, Jen, Diego, Jude and Wyatt up. In the very back seat of the minivan was a newborn Robbie, drooling all over himself as he slept. We were all bewildered at the sight of him.

"He's spitting on himself! Yuck!" A little Wyatt exclaimed.

"I know; that's soooo icky!" Jude giggled, poking the trail of drool.

"Hey, don't make fun of my little brother!" Jonesy intervened, holding his tiny hands in front of him. "He's sleeping!"

"You're right, honey; he's sleeping. Now can you please sit down and let him do that? Babies need lots of sleep." His mother said, and we obeyed. It made enough sense.

"Why do they sleep and drool, Mrs. Garcia?" Jen asked as she started to drive towards home.

"Just because they're babies. They don't know how to do anything else."

"Jonesy's Mom?" I tried to get her attention, which made her smile and turned around.

"Yes, Nikki?"

"Do you like babies?"

A silence came over the car as she hummed her thoughts. "Well, they're a bit messy, but I like them, yes. I like big kids like you better, though."

I giggled and grinned at being called a big kid. Of course I was; I WAS in Grade 1, but it was still so nice to hear it.

Just weeks later, she had gotten sick and died. I never knew exactly from what, because awhile after, Jonesy would make hundreds of stories about how his mother died. It was only after he stopped that he realized how bad it was to shame his mother like that. It happened suddenly; the day that he didn't want to talk about her ever again. Even at 17, he still kept that rule. No talking about Jonesy's mom.

"Yeah, I remember her."

"I was thinking about her. I don't really remember her voice or anything, but I remember her face. I see it all the time lately."

I was tempted to say 'And…', but I refrained from it. This was the only time he would probably ever talk about her.

"But I just thought about how our daughter might look like her…you know when you said if she was anything like me."

My heartstrings twisted. I suddenly wished that I had never said such a thing.

"I want her to be like my mom. I miss her." His voice cracked for a moment, but I remained quiet.

"Basically, what I want to say is that I want to name her." _Was that what he was trying to say? _

"You want to name the baby?" I asked, trying to clarify his reasons.

"Yeah, well we don't have to have me name her, but if you – "

"Jonesy, it's okay!" I spoke in my most comforting voice. "I don't mind as long as it isn't too ridiculous. What is it?"

He took a few breaths before speaking, but at last, Jonesy spit it out.

"Valerie."

"I just know that it's right, Nikki; I can feel it. It's just so – "

My mind wandered off with his. _Valerie…it's so…_

"Perfect." We startled each other as we said the word in chorus of both the bewilderment of that one insignificant day 12 years ago, and the strangled pain of losing someone so close to your heart.

And thus, Valerie Ann Garcia II was the legacy of the first. In later years, the perfection of this was the last thing that Jonesy and I ever had in common.

But god damn, it's one great thing to have in common.


	6. She Was Worth It

"Ah; Jonesy!" I whispered hastily in the night. "Move! I have no room!"

Since we had found out that Jonesy was still not ready to hold onto one job for very long, my family and his joined up some money for a couple months to give us a little something; a house. In that house was a bed, and in that bed was Jonesy and I…with much difficulty.

"What do you want me to do?!" Jonesy whispered back with just as much intensity. He moved in to pack in more space, which I wasn't pleased with. Before my arms could even push him back, a very harsh flutter pushed him back.

"Even the poor baby wants some space! Move _away!_"

"I'm on the edge here, Nikki! Work with me a bit?" he spat back as he turned on the lamp. My eyes squinted, and I sighed. I felt bad for doing it, but I really needed the space…

"Just go sleep on the couch."

Jonesy's eyes grew and then turned small again as he slowly realized that he was being kicked out. "Oh…okay." He murmured, leaning over towards me. I puckered my lips to get ready for a kiss, but his head ducked for my belly instead. Jonesy gave a soft pat to the peak of the gigantic hill on my stomach and a soft peck near my protruding belly button.

"Good night." he spoke, sounding somewhat upset that he had been banished to the couch. For a few minutes after he turned through the corridor, I lay in a pile of guilt. But soon, the guilt turned into clouds as I fell asleep.

**

It was noon when I finally woke up to sweet little flips in my belly, and arms around the little bit of waist I had left. Other than the morning breath traveling from my ear to my nostrils, I enjoyed Jonesy's presence again.

"Are you up?" I spoke quietly, just in case he wasn't.

"Yeah." Jonesy answered just as quietly, giving a quick kiss to my cheek. "I know you took me out to the couch, but I knew you'd be fine when you finally fell asleep. Dad warned me beforehand."

I shrugged a little bit, but yet I snuggled closer. "I guess so." I didn't admit how bad I felt for banishing him to the couch. My stomach hurt too much to say much more than that; as gross as it was, constipation had been plaguing me for a few weeks. I cringed a little bit, pushing Jonesy's hand out of the way to replace it with my own to clutch at my lower stomach.

"Are you okay?" he asked, bolting up. Since my due date was only weeks away, Jonesy always seemed to be on-guard.

"I'm fine, just the…eh, you know."

"Yeah, the poop problem. I know."

"Jonesy!" I exclaimed, blushing in embarrassment for no real reason.

"What? I'm only saying it how it is." He said in a matter-of-fact tone that sort of pissed me off. I was already debating on making him _live_ on the couch now.

"Just...don't call it that. It bothers me for some reason." I explained while I massaged that same spot on my stomach. "But anyway, I REALLY need laxatives. Do you have any money left from that last job with the curtain cleaners?"

"Umm…" _I know what that means. _

"It's fine; I've got some that I've been saving. If you can go out and get them for me, that would be great. I want to catch that new nature special, so I don't feel much like going."

Jonesy nodded, acting as if he understood. "Good. Get the chocolate ones, and I'll let you stay in bed tonight." I halfheartedly chuckled, kissing his lips for more than a couple moments. It had been quite awhile since I had a long, sweet and slightly wet kiss from my man like that one.

"I will…" he mumbled, looking a bit dazed as my lips let go of his. "…Especially after that…"

**

Turns out, the nature show was kind of boring. Under normal circumstances, I would've preferred to go to the store, but as expected, I was experiencing/dying of: swollen and aching feet, stomach pains, over-inflated balloons for boobs and heaving pressure launching through my pelvis 24/7. The feelings were disgusting, and there was no way I was getting up for anything at all.

Well, until the door opened; Jonesy and laxatives at hand. "Oh, thank you!" I groaned thankfully (if that is at all possible) and yanked the box from his hands. "Yes, sweet relief…" I mumbled, opening the box and immediately unwrapping two chocolate morsels and practically swallowing them.

"Wow, I've never been _that_ desperate to drop one in my life…" he chuckled.

"You've never been pregnant, either." I added on, taking a swig of Pepsi nearby to wash down the bittersweet taste on my tongue. Suddenly, my mind decided to flash a memory of Jude drinking soda after soda one day in Grade 7. I hadn't seen him or Wyatt in awhile, though I had seen my share of Caitlin. Strangely, she had been getting more and more hostile towards the lot of us, but especially Jonesy. I didn't quite understand why, but I figured it was Jen's work. Both of them had turned into the sweetest peaches as of recently.

Somehow, I knew that I would see them again soon enough.

**

"Why didn't you…TELL ME?!" I screamed at Jonesy while I squeezed Wyatt's hand.

"I didn't know laxatives could make you go into labor!" he exclaimed as he drove down the highway, though he wasn't going as fast as I wanted him to go.

"LOOK AT THE BOX NEXT TIME, DAMN IT! YOU'RE KILLING ME!"

"Nikki, calm down…I'm trying to get your mother on the phone…" Wyatt hushed me, giving a soft squeeze to my hand. It was a wonder that he could do that; his hand was turning a shade of purple from me squeezing so hard.

Wave after wave of squeezing pain and feverish twitching from deep inside me, the only thing I could realize was that it was somewhat dark, and in between those horrible contractions, I realized that the purple highlights in my hair had almost completely faded.

"Yes, Mrs. Wong. Yeah; she's okay, I think…well, I don't know much about pregnancy, but I think she's screaming because of the contractions…what was that? Yes, you've got the directions right…okay."

"Nikki, you'll be okay, right?" Jonesy asked; his voice as shaky and erratic as my heartbeat against my throat.

"Of course; haven't you been through this before, Jonesy?"

"Yeah, but – "

"Jonesy, turn!" Wyatt exclaimed, his hand slapping the roof as Jonesy swerved in the right turn. A pitifully-girly squeal fled through the car, and both were immediately at my call.

"Are you okay?" They said at the same time, though Jonesy's voice was much more hysterical than Wyatt's. This was shocking; it was usually the other way around.

"I-I'm fine…" I panted, placing a hand on my stomach as if to soothe my poor daughter being jostled around before she was even born.

"Good. Phew!" Jonesy sighed, pulling in relatively calmly into the parking place nearest to the hospital entrance. I was nervous and I hadn't even entered the hospital yet. I was in all the pain possible in the world, and the only thing on my mind was that I was actually going to have a baby. It was way too bizarre; this felt more like a disease than the miracle of childbirth.

**

"Oh, child!" My mother greeted me just minutes after I was placed in a room. She grabbed my face, kissing my forehead over and over again. "You are blessed with child soon!"

"Blessed?" I moaned, turning my head away from her. "I'm gonna die."

"You will not, young Nikki. You are young and will recover quickly like your mother." My dad spoke, smiling semi-sadly. All those times in the past few months that I had seen those eyes, I had been heartbroken. But now, it was a big pile of turmoil coming right on me.

"Oh, Dad, I'm so sorry!" I cried, covering my face with my hands. I let silent tears fall down my face. The pain that constantly rippled my womb was too much; the sudden tear in my heart was just as bad.

"It is okay, my daughter. You may have made less decision than what I expected, but you give gift of life now." He spoke in his familiar yet detached way of English. Both my mom and my dad lifted my hands from my face and placed them in theirs. Somehow, I knew my dad was crying; I couldn't look at him.

Instead, I looked at my mother and saw the same exact person I was with that day when I told her that I was pregnant. She was glowing as much as she said I was that day; just as emotional as she said I was. Until then, I hadn't realized how much she really looked like me.

"I shall always love you." Those same exact words from that day filled my ears, and I couldn't help but feel that undying love for both of my parents. They didn't save me from myself, but they gave me the pride and will to carry the mistake in stride.

All around me were my friends: mellow Jude, uptight Wyatt, money-lusting Jonesy; even bossy Jen and peppy Caitlin. They had all changed so much in the past year with their experiences.

However, that was just my imagination. Only Jonesy was in that room, ducking beside me and letting the moment between my parents and I pass. Wyatt was in the waiting room trying to hold Jude back from going to the morgue again. Jen had stayed home. Nobody knew where Caitlin was.

Another person was in the room, and that was the doctor. While I grit my teeth and cried at the pain, she inspected me closely along with other nurses.

"10 centimeters, it's too late to give medication…it looks like we're ready for a baby!" The doctor said too cheerfully; I felt the urge to bite his head off.

"Jonesy…" I mumbled, pulling my hand away from my mother's and placing it in his. He only grinned; it was an ironic mix of sheepish and overly excited.

"Okay, Nikki, give us a push!" The nurse ordered, and I did what she said. I bore all of my weight down, lower and lower until I felt a horrible tear. I screamed out in pain, panting with the dried tears springing back to life.

"Alright, you might have torn yourself a little bit there. It's okay, just take a breather…okay, and now push! Harder; good job!" The nurses kept coaxing me on, which I could barely hear. It was as if they were timing my instinct to bear down to the very point.

Another fearsome, painful stretch came from me; I couldn't hear myself scream, it was so loud.

"…Crowning!" was all I heard before another command to push. A cloud of sick dizziness filled the air and I couldn't see or feel a thing, it seemed.

That was until I was jolted alive by an ear-piercing cry, along with gasps and little sighs from my parents. The screaming came even closer and landed right on my chest, and I knew what was there. When I realized my eyes were closed, I opened them to see a small, helpless baby covered in blood and other gunk I didn't know.

But it only took a glance through all of it to make me realize that love at first sight was real, and that I was living proof.

Before I could even hush her cries, my baby was swept off my chest and onto a table, measured and cleaned and all. My mother wandered over to that side of the room, taking pictures and giggling at the sight of her newborn granddaughter.

On the other side of the room, Jonesy still sat with my hand in his. Even on none other than Jonesy, I hadn't seen a smile so big and so proud. "I may never get my hearing back, but she's really worth it, Nikki…I mean it."

"You took the words right out of my mouth." I said, which was when I realized that my voice was hoarse from screaming, and that my inner walls still stung from tearing.

But Valerie was worth all the pain in the world, and it didn't take age to realize that.


End file.
